The Lost Child

It has been seven weeks since I acquired the knowledge of the departure of my supervisor, Pete. He is moving to Melbourne Uni to take up a lecturer-ship role. Unfortunately, I cannot go with him since my scholarship is Monash based, which then leaves me kinda like the lost child. Personally, I would love to stay at where I am at the moment yet I also understand how unfitting it would be given that my supervisor will no longer be there. Logically, I should move into Michael’s (co-supervisor) lab which is just across the building and continue my studies under his supervision yet I have a feeling that Paul (the director of where I am currently at) doesn’t want to let me go… confused? That’s not the end of it – Paul set up a meeting for me in front of a panel of senior scientists 2 weeks ago to assess where I was at research-wise. In a way, it’s his attempt to understand what I have been doing for the past 2 years in 2 hours. It gave me the feeling that he has to do that so he can take up my supervisory role. And I didn’t like it. I talked to Pete briefly after that and he reinforced the idea of me driving my own PhD and having my voice heard. Yesterday, I had another meeting with Pete and Michael where we spoke openly of the direction of my PhD. At the end of it, I liked what we talked about and I will need to articulate that to Paul soon. Am I scared shitless talking to Paul – hell yeah, for sure, yet I know this is something I have to face myself.

As a second year student, what I have been through the last seven weeks is quite unique. For starters, no second year student need to sit through a ‘trial’ to defend her own project for 2 hours and convince a number of much higher calibre people that what she’s doing is not a waste of time and it’s worth some sort of attention. Of course, there is always more than one view on a circumstance. On the bright side, the past seven weeks have given me a great opportunity to grow up professionally and handle myself in awkward situations. It has been tough and I am still enduring some difficulties but it will be over soon and I am looking forward to a much needed break.