Commitment

As I am getting older, my vision for the future is becoming more short-range. I can’t really see where I will be at in a few years. I know where I want to be but uncertainties kept me away from thinking about it. So basically, I let myself to envision as far as a week or at most a month from now, and try to work from there. Any further, I feel that I am making unrealistic promises and eventually probably laying excessive pressure for myself to achieve those unlikely goals. Apparently, this way of thinking does not only apply to my work/education life, my friends are realising a trend in my fear to commit in general. And it is only recently that I have to agree with them. I am beginning to notice that I get a bit worked up when I get linked to things that I did not whole-heartedly agreed to. Some of these things are quite trivial, while others make me realise how insecure I see the future holds for me. The uncertainties restrict and make me dread to look too far ahead and maybe because of this, I don’t like committing or promising to things I have no control over. No doubt that it is difficult to have a friend that gives you answers like “maybe” or “we’ll see” to your sincere invites, but it is also disappointing when your friend can’t deliver the empty promises. Maybe I am not really a commitment-phobe, it’s more like I don’t want (and my friends) to get disappointed when the end result wasn’t what I envisioned.